Ok, this is later than I expected to post it.
First off I want to thank the very wonderful
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brighton_girl for all the wonderful encouragement and the awesome beta-ing, although I really had no time to change anything lol.
Ok, so here's the deal, because I am literally a dumbass, I completely forgot that JC doesn't live in NYC and since the story starts with the TRL Finale, I've decided for the sake of argument to just pretend JC lives in NYC.
Hopefully this will make sense. If not, just forgive me for having no sense :)
I hope you enjoy it! It's been a long time and as you can see, I've forgotten a lot (Thanks beth for the Lance Jey switch!:D) but hopefully that will change as I start to write more. Hopefully!
It was good to see him.
He missed just hanging out and although they spoke over the phone a couple times a month, it was different then talking face to face, seeing him smile, hearing him laugh in person.
When he first decided to accept the invitation to appear on the TRL Finale, he had no idea how many others were contacted; how many others had agreed and it didn't occur to him that any of them would actually show up.
JC didn't see it as a responsibility to go, but seeing as he was currently a judge on one of their shows it almost felt like an obligation, he didn't, after all, want to bite the hand feeing him. So when he found out Justin had also agreed to show up, he couldn't help but feel just a little more excited.
Being in the studio brought back so many good memories; it was, after all, TRL that helped skyrocket their fame and JC could even remember their first appearance on MTV when they performed
I Want You Back on Wanna Be A VJ. They were so new and so young and it was their first real television appearance. JC could still remember the excitement, could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins.
Truth be told, he was a little sad that TRL was ending, despite the joke it had become, it would be the end of an era.
The night of the event was a little crazy; there was so much happening and so many people had come to bid farewell to the show. It was fun and exciting to see so many pay their respects but amidst all of the craziness, JC looked for one person.
He found him in the green room, engrossed in his texting, unintentionally ignoring everyone around him. JC smiled because it was so Justin. He didn't mean too zone into himself and dismiss the commotion around him; it just always seemed to work out that way. Some things never changed and JC was probably one of the few people who knew and could fully appreciate him for it.
"Some things never change," JC grinned as he managed to weave himself through the crowd towards the single person he looked for.
"C," Justin looked up with an adoring smile, his eyes sparkling. He stood quickly, phone forgotten and hugged him big and tight.
Justin smelled like heaven, a sweet mixture of his cologne and cinnamon and JC relished in his embrace. Justin always gave the best hugs. He hugged like he loved, fully and whole heartedly.
"I didn't know you were coming," he finally pulled away and slid his phone into his pocket.
JC grinned and looked around the room, he saw a lot of famous faces, he saw his friends. "Well, when they asked I figured one of us should represent. Hell they convinced the Backstreet Boys to perform, someone had to be here," he laughed quietly.
Justin smiled and nudged him. "Ok, I lied," he muttered through his grin, "I knew you were gonna be here," he admitted and took a deep breath. "But not in a stalkerish kind of way."
"Of course not," JC found himself loving the idea of Justin asking about him. He remembered a time when Justin was always on top of his schedule, when he knew everywhere and everything JC did. Like the time they were in Germany and he made himself look well older than his 15 years to get into a club JC went to on a suggestion from a lusty Joey groupie.
JC loved the old times, the old days when they were still an unknown group who no one really knew about in the States. He missed when he could walk outside in public without people taking pictures or trying to talk to him. TRL kind of changed that for all of them.
Before they could really say much more an assistant came out and told them the show was about start. JC could hear the excitement in the room reach a riotous shout and he looked at Justin, his eyes bright and his heart beating just a little bit faster.
"Well, this is it," he said and before Justin could respond JC felt someone pull him one way and Justin in the other.
Before losing complete sight of Justin, JC noticed Justin's eyes searching for him across the room and sighed at the unfurling sensation in his chest.
***The show went well. Some people cried and it was good to hear all the shout-outs and see all the clips. He didn't even mind Carson Daly who always seemed like a douche. It was a night for reminiscing and remembering the fun times and JC found himself by the end of the whole tremendous experience quite happy to be apart of it.
It was while he was talking on his cell that he spotted Justin texting again. JC quickly said his goodbye and headed for him, apologizing to the girl he pushed aside on his quest.
They decided to skip the party and agreed to go back to JC's house and have some drinks. Justin kicked his shoes off and drank beer casually. They talked about all the new things in life and the guys; Justin had lunch with Joey two weeks ago and he played golf with Chris the other day.
"How are you and Jess?" JC asked because he was polite and he didn't really hate her, in fact he actually liked her a lot.
Justin had been dating Jessica for awhile but it didn't really surprise him at all. Justin was a relationship man, always had been. He tried the dating scene after Britney but found it meaningless and a waste of time. He always enjoyed giving his full attention to one special person, flourishing them with gifts and his love. He enjoyed the commitment and was completely romantic.
JC had wonderful memories of the two of them together and although they shared many years of an on and off again relationship some of his favorite moments in life came from being with Justin.
JC remembered the time he came home from Maryland to find the back yard illuminated by white Christmas lights, dinner on the table outside with his favorite Jazz record playing softly in the air. Justin was extremely generous and although being in a relationship didn't define him, it made life just a little better.
"She's good," Justin took a drink and licked his lips as he tapped his fingers on the sofa; he looked thoughtful and bright at the mention of her. JC could appreciate his affection, she was good for him and having been in a relationship with Justin years ago, JC knew Justin was happy. Ultimately, that's all JC really wanted for Justin, to be happy. "She's in Europe right now," he explained looking away slowly. "We're good," he finished with a smile and JC laughed a little.
"I heard a rumor you were getting married," he told him casually and pulled his legs under him, he read it somewhere online, a gossip rag a friend had been looking over and brought to his attention. Justin shook his head and smiled.
"No," he answered and set his finished bottle down. "Not yet anyway," he scraped a hand over his eye and yawn slowly. JC watched as the muscles in his neck flexed and relaxed as he exhaled. "Besides, you know, you'd be the first to know."
JC didn't mean to laugh but it pushed through his lips accidentally. "Right," he smirked and took a drink from the beer.
Justin smiled sheepishly and gracefully stretched his legs on the couch, "Ok, so first my mom," he admitted, "then you, ok, maybe Trace but definitely you next," he promised and laughed when JC threw a pillow at him. "Hey, hey! Third's not a bad place," he threw the pillow back and watched as it swished past JC's head to the floor behind him.
"That's what I thought. Good to see I'm high on your list," JC joked and slowly stood up with a stretch. "Want another one?" he asked as he grabbed the empty bottles and headed for the kitchen.
Justin nodded and by the time JC came back with his opened bottle he grinned to find Justin setting up the XBOX.
"Dude, I kick ass at Guitar Hero!" Justin already had the wireless guitar around his shoulders and smiled in appreciation as he took the bottle. "Wanna battle?"
It hadn't been his plan to go against possibly the biggest video game addict aside from Chris, but JC quite enjoyed the game. His brother bought it for him months ago and although he wasn't an expert and was fully aware that Justin was definitely going to kick his ass, he figured it would still be fun and took the other guitar from Justin's extended hand.
"Ok, but take it easy, I haven't played much," JC warned as he slid the strap over his shoulder.
By the coy look in Justin's eyes, JC knew full well Justin was going to be anything but easy on him.
***After several hours and plenty of empty bottles of beer later, Justin lay practically immobile on the couch and JC laughed as he strummed the final chord to the song.
"I think that's what a proper ass kicking looks like," he grinned and looked over at his pathetic friend.
Justin had his guitar laying haphazardly over his chest his eyes barely open.
"No!" he cried helplessly and struggled to get up.
JC laughed as he turned off the game and put the guitars away. "It's bed time," he yawned, thankful to be home where his luxurious bed awaited him. "You're not driving home are you?" he asked curiously, knowing Justin would never attempt to drive home in his inebriated state.
"No, I'll crash here tonight," he muttered and JC watched quite amused as Justin struggled to get to his feet. "Just need some sleep," he slurred and followed JC up stairs.
JC tried not to laugh when he heard a loud crash behind him and found Justin face down on the stairwell. "You need to drink some water," he bent down and hauled him back to his feet.
The warm pressure of Justin's body pressed against him as they walked to the guest bedroom. He set Justin on the bed and headed back to his room to look for some clothes he could borrow for the night.
When JC returned he found Justin snoring softly in between his pillows and hoped for a moment he wouldn't suffocate himself. "Take a shower, you need it," JC frowned poking his stomach and watched Justin roll on his back, exhaling loudly. "And please try not to kill yourself."
JC heard the shower door open and close and changed the sheets on the bed, then headed for his own room. As he got out of the shower he was surprised to find Justin sitting against the headboard under his covers.
"Uh, what are you doing?" he asked, scrubbing the towel through his hair. He grabbed the sleep pants he set out and pulled them on. Justin finished the glass of water he had in his hand and set it back on the night stand. "Use a coaster," JC warned, he hated water rings on his expensive furniture.
Justin rolled his eyes and grabbed one from the drawer. "You're the only loser I know who has coasters in his room," he muttered and lowered himself into bed, pulling the covers to his chin.
Again JC asked, "What are you doing?"
Justin turned the television on, "You know I don't like to sleep alone," he answered simply and changed the channel. "There's nothing on," he muttered and turned it off, tossing the remote aside.
JC was fully aware of Justin's buddy system, he'd been his bedfellow for years, but Justin wasn't fourteen anymore. "Dude, you're almost thirty," he said and climbed into bed. "You're also very strange," he added and turned his light off.
Justin scoffed and hiccupped. "Shut up," he muttered and groaned as he turned the light off. "And I'm drunk so don't try to take advantage of me. You stay on your side and I'll stay on mine."
JC laughed and turned on his side. "This whole bed is my side," he reminded him and pulled the covers over. Justin had always been a blanket hog and like hell would he leave him shivering in the night in his own house. "You just keep your distance and we'll be fine," he said and yawned. "Good night, man."
A soft snore came from Justin and JC hoped he'd find sleep just as easily. Unfortunately for him, about ten minutes later he felt Justin tossing beside him, unable to find comfort. One bad thing about sleeping beside Justin, he was a restless sleeper. He moved way too much and it was always something JC hated.
"You need to calm down over there," he turned around annoyed, "or I'm kicking you out," he warned tiredly.
Justin huffed and moved again, fluttering the blankets as he attempted to get comfortable. "I can't help it," he whined quietly and moved again, this time kicking JC's leg. At his sound of protest Justin sounded apologetic, "sorry."
"Justin," JC warned again and after Justin tore the blankets off him to move on his stomach JC sat up and turned the lights on. "Ok, time for you to move," he nudged him then felt a little sorry when Justin looked terribly pathetic.
"Ok, I'll stop, promise," he looked over his shoulder with a sad plead in his eyes. JC hated that he wasn't stronger against that look. It was quite amazing how Justin seems to act ten years younger when he was trying to get to sleep.
He sighed and reached for the light again, flooding them in darkness. "Ok," he said and grabbed the covers back and settled himself on his stomach. "Just empty your mind, control your breathing and try not to drool."
Justin snickered but remained still. "Good night, C," he said quietly and JC hoped that would be the last of it.
Five minutes later he wanted to suffocate Justin, or at least until he passed out. "J."
Justin shifted uncomfortably and finally settled on his back. "Last time," he promised, "Talk to me," Justin asked softly. The last thing JC wanted to do was talk. He wanted to sleep and regrettably it was becoming impossible to accomplish that. "If you talk to me maybe I'll fall asleep," he suggested.
Again, he didn't want to talk but it was after all his beer that kept Justin in his house and now in his bed so perhaps, he could offer some help. "Ok, well, tomorrow I'm supposed to see someone about a movie," he closed his eyes.
"That's cool," Justin responded, "What's the movie about?"
"You're not supposed to ask me questions, you're supposed to be trying to go to sleep," JC reminded and yawned. "So after that I'm supposed to meet Kara for a manicure, my cuticles look like shit." Justin hadn't moved in a few minutes so JC kept talking. "Then I'm having lunch with Joey and there's this Burberry scarf I'm possibly going to buy-"
"God, JC, you're so boring. You're killing me," Justin groaned, his voice muffled by the pillow. JC glared but let it pass; Justin was remaining still after all.
"That's the point," he muttered perturbed, "and I'm not gonna kick your ass for that cause I want to sleep sometime tonight too," he added then continued, "then I think I might go to the museum, there's this new exhibit, thought I'd check it out."
Justin sighed loudly and JC felt the mattress sink as Justin moved again. "Ok, it's not working because now I'm thinking about what I have to do tomorrow. Try something else."
"Like what?"
"Sing. That always worked," Justin grumbled unhappily.
JC frowned to himself in thought, what could he sing? After a few moments he started singing
The Rainbow Connection it was a childhood favorite of his and although he knew it was silly, he figured Justin would get a kick out of it, which, as it turned out, he did and before he could make it to the chorus JC could hear the soft sound of Justin harmonizing with him.
"Justin, you're supposed to be trying to sleep!" JC couldn't help the frustration that filled in his voice and by the meek yelp in surprise he almost felt bad, but not entirely.
"You can't sing something I know!" he exclaimed defensively and tossed again, exposing half of JC's body to the cold air.
"Well that doesn't leave me much," JC scoffed. "And I swear to God, Justin, if you pull these covers off me one more time!" JC grabbed his blankets and swiftly pulled them over again.
"Ok, ok. Sorry, calm down," he muttered, lying on his back. "Ok, if I can't get to sleep in fifteen minutes I'll just go to the other room," he promised and JC could live with that, as long as it meant he'd get some sleep.
JC settled down in bed and thought of his last resort. "Ok, I think I know what the problem is," he muttered and hoped he wouldn't embarrass himself. Slowly he moved in closer to the center of the bed. He felt Justin stir.
"What?" Justin asked curiously.
There was always a way JC could stop Justin from moving, he discovered it many years ago when they were first touring and usually it proved effective. "Move in closer," JC instructed, shifting his pillow over. He waited until Justin moved beside him, he could feel the heat of his body close and JC took a deep breath before turning on his side. "Ok, just turn on your side," he instructed softly and really hoped Justin wouldn't freak out on him.
"What are you doing?" Justin asked slowly, keeping still.
JC sighed, "Just, do it, Justin," he implored and once he felt Justin against his chest and took a shaky breath, he said a prayer and reached over, curling an arm around Justin's chest.
Justin tensed for a moment and for a second JC thought it wouldn't work but soon he felt the muscles relax and heard a soft sigh.
"Oh," he murmured.
JC didn't say anything but held him close and listened to the steady drum of Justin's breathing, felt his chest rise and fall with every breath. He closed his eyes and didn't move, soon the soft steady breathing slowed and JC sighed thankfully.
***JC woke up and looked at the clock, he'd only been asleep a few hours and Justin was gone from his side. A part of him figured Justin couldn’t sleep so he kept his word and left to the guest room. Whatever happened, JC tried not to let it bother him and rolled on his stomach and hoped to find sleep again.
A few minutes later he opened his eyes and sat up. Despite his attempts to not think about it, JC couldn't help but wonder where Justin was, so against his better judgment JC moved the covers aside and stood up. He didn't turn the lights on as he made his way through the house towards the guest room. It wasn't too dark and his eyes quickly became adjusted to avoid bumping into things. He walked to the guest room slowly and looked in without turning the light on, the bed was as he left it, untouched.
Justin was missing and JC forced himself not to freak out and think logically. He made his way down the hall towards the stairs. The house was lighter down stairs as JC made his way down toward the kitchen. He could smell the faint sent of peppermint tea as he looked around. Justin wasn't on the couch or in the bathroom. He wondered if he was going crazy for a moment until he felt a cool breeze brush past him.
The sliding door was cracked open.
JC sighed and looked at the clock. It was almost six. Apparently Justin couldn't sleep and it was funny how it worked, but when Justin couldn't sleep, neither could JC so he walked over and looked out. Justin was sitting in the patio, a cup beside his hand. JC tried to make as little noise as possible to avoid startling him but found it almost impossible when he jammed his foot into the potted plant.
"
Shit!" he whispered and hopped around for a few moments before hearing Justin's low laughter.
"I forgot how clumsy you could be," he looked over his shoulder and grinned beautifully. JC tried to glare but in the morning twilight he looked obscenely striking.
"Shut up," he grumbled and made his way over to Justin who took a drink from his cup. He offered JC some but he politely refused. "Can't sleep?" he asked quietly, looking over his land. He picked this specific part of the city for the beautiful landscape and view. Some of his favorite moments came from just sitting outside and looking out. It was soothing and during a hard days work, it was one of the few things he could do to calm himself.
The sky was a deep turquoise, the sun still hidden and the cold breeze brushed JC's face as they sat in silence.
"There's a reason I haven't gotten married yet," Justin spoke softly, his hand closing around the mug. JC didn't say anything, a part of him knew Justin didn't expect him too. Justin took a drink and JC watched his neck muscles as he swallowed the hot liquid.
"I know I have a good thing with Jess, like I did with Cameron," he stop suddenly and there was a moment of trepidation, "and Britney," he finished. "I could've married them too," he chewed on his lip, his eyes focused on the ground. "But there was always something stopping me. There was always someone stopping me," he finally looked over at JC and there was a deep longing in his eyes. "I'm not blaming you," he insisted and JC could tell he was serious. "I'm just saying, it's you. You're the something," he swallowed slowly, "the someone."
JC didn't say anything nor did he know if he should. Justin had very serious moments and there had been many times JC had responded when it wasn't asked for. Justin talked as a form of simple catharsis, sure he wrote music to streamline his emotions but when it came down to it, the best way Justin released his feelings were through conversation. It was both a gift and a curse for him.
JC sat back silently and let Justin's words sink in, it wasn't long before he felt a knot percolating in his stomach. He had no idea. He had not expected this at all and worst of all he didn't know how to feel about it. JC didn't know what this meant between them now. Their relationship had ended so long ago, they still got together and talked at parties and events but that was the complete extent of their current relationship. Justin's revelation was astounding.
"Say something," he implored softly.
JC looked at him and suddenly shook his head disbelievingly. "I don't understand," he tried not to sound mean or condescending. "Justin, we rarely ever see each other," JC scratched at his chin confused.
Justin's shoulders dropped slowly as he pressed himself against the cold steel. "It's not like
that," he explained, "It's not like I’m crazy about you in that way, but. But," he paused thoughtfully. "I think about it sometimes," he admitted softly. "So when mom's asking me 'why haven't you asked her to marry you?', I have a reason. It's you." He finished and took another drink.
JC felt his heart drumming against his chest, his thoughts frantic and he didn't know if this was real. If this situation in fact was not a horrifying manifestation of his sleep deprived mind. It was six in the morning, the sun wasn't even out and he was sitting in his back yard talking about why Justin never married. It was remarkably unfathomable.
He thought about how long he'd been with Jessica, for years now and all the time he spend with Cameron. He knew that Cameron wanted to marry him. Despite her exhausting need to remind the public it was just a fun thing, she truly hoped Justin would ask her and give her a ring. And Britney.
"My God,
Britney?" JC asked astonishingly.
Justin looked miserable but nodded. "You had to have known then, JC," he resigned and rubbed at his temples slowly. "JC-"
"Are you still drunk?" JC finally asked knowing it was rather inappropriate but everything inside him wanted to make sure Justin was speaking sensibly. It was too important for him to know. The horrifying realization of finding out it was an altered lapse of judgment from Justin would be devastating.
Justin smiled gently. "Maybe a little," he responded truthfully. "But, this is me talking," he assured, "I love you, man."
JC nodded and looked out at the sky, trying to control the frenzied thoughts in his head. "I'm surprised," he finally said and decided to finally take a drink of the tea. It ran soothingly down his throat into a warm sensation along his chest. "Seriously?" he turned and watched Justin's profile.
He hesitated for a moment but JC watched the slight nod. "I'm not saying I expect anything," he started slowly, "I'm just saying that there's a reason," he finished and brought a hand to his mouth, biting at his nails for a moment. "This isn't a declaration of love or anything," he added and turned his eyes to JC who seemed to feel his stomach clench.
JC took another drink and nodded. "I want you to be happy," he finally spoke and watched as Justin's eyes glistened in the beautiful morning glow. "I've always just wanted you to be happy, whoever you're with."
Justin nodded in understanding and reached for his tea. "I know."
"So," he bit at his lips for a few moments. "I don't know, I don't know what to say," he finished truthfully. He had absolutely no idea what to think, he never expected something like this from Justin, not now anyway. This was big. This was huge.
"I don't expect you to say anything," Justin spoke softly. "I don't want you to think I'm asking you for anything, because I'm not," he licked his lips. "I just needed to tell you that I think about you. I think about us and what we had," he sighed deeply. "I want to get married. I want to marry the person I love."
JC sighed and felt his heart both break and soar at the entire tragic situation. "Justin, they're never going to let us be together," he looked at him.
Justin laughed sadly, "When I'm ready, they will," he assured and JC could hear the power in his voice, felt the determination in his meaning. "If that means I have to go through the motions until that time."
Overwhelming pride filled JC and he was ashamed to feel his eyes start to glisten at Justin's affection. "Who says I'll take you back?" JC asked trying not to let his emotions overtake him.
Justin laughed beautifully. "You will," he reached out and for the first time in a very long time Justin touched his hand, held it protectively in his.
A ferocious lump attacked JC's throat and he didn't know if it was ok to talk.
Justin looked adoringly. "When the time comes, you will."
JC couldn't speak and as Justin interlaced his fingers with his, his heart soared. He loved Justin more than anything in the world. He was his best friend, had been his best lover. Justin held his heart in his hands and although they had let go of their love years ago, it would be completely untruthful of JC to deny he didn't think about Justin, that he didn't think about them together. It would be a lie to ignore the small piercing pains that came when watching Justin with Cameron, or the stabs of jealousy seeing him with Jessica.
He never fully let go of what they had together. He never fully gave up on them. Justin just gave him a reason to never give up.
"We should probably go to sleep," Justin pulled his hand away and JC felt the loss immediately. He watched as Justin stood up and yawned, stretching his back gracefully. He grabbed the mug and JC watched helplessly as he extended his hand out for him.
The sun could be seen peeking over the horizon as JC slid his hand into Justin's and let him lead him back into the house.
"Could you do, you know," Justin stopped at the door and turned around with a blush, "that thing," he asked sweetly and JC burst with love.
"Sure," he answered and grinned as he closed the door behind him.
It was really good to see him again.
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